Simple Decorum

By Hope Nyambe

I was following a Facebook discussion on the wall of one of my very learned and travelled colleagues, on why certain people, even when you take them out for ‘fine dining’ they still order the ‘ordinary’ daily cuisine? Responses were varied, from people ordering food of their choice, to simply lack of exposure. Reading through peoples responses actually made me digress to one aspect usually missed when being invited out for fine dining, etiquette.

For a person that has had the privilege to be invited for some fine dining in Lundazi district, Amsterdam, Prague City, Majorca, Rybnik, London and Brussels, among the many other cities, I think I do have the credentials to dish out advice on the decorum of being invited out for some fine dining.

Firstly, if you are invited to somebodies house for dinner, do not go their empty handed. Ask if you could bring something with you. Normally your hosts will insist that there is no need to bring anything apart from yourself. That still doesn’t mean that you go empty handed. Take a bottle of wine, juice, fruit, maybe a dessert, something that even if it’s not consumed or drunk on the night, your hosts can still use on a later date.
Unless your hosts have a bunch of butlers running around during the dinner, kindly offer to help wash up whatever utensils that were used during the dinner, or even just clearing the dining table. To sit there, gorge your face and even ask to do a number two in your host’s house is simply just not being courteous. Most hosts will appreciate a guest who acknowledges that there is a lot of effort that goes in hosting somebody and that their efforts are being complimented.

When you are invited for dinner at a restaurant or indeed any other place where the food and drinks come with a price tag, please carry some money with you and contribute towards the bill. Yes, this is regardless of being invited and the host offering to pay all expenses. It doesn’t necessary have to be half the bill, just a contribution. Bear in mind that when somebody invites you out, it is your presence they seek and not necessary the cost of seeing you. Most people wonder why their friends are not very keen to meet them often. Well, it’s simply because your presence is viewed as a cost. Don’t be a free loader.

Be modest. Be conscious when ordering anything that you wouldn’t normally order with your own money. Just because you are not the one paying the bills does not mean that your order the most expensive things on the menu and in excess. There is a growing habit of people asking for ‘a take away pack.’ Now it is not right to waste food, but to order a platter meant for 5 people so that you can take left overs home is just unacceptable and impolite. If you are invited alone, please don’t ask to bring a friend or friends along. Your host might say yes out of politeness or courtesy but the impression it leaves them is how uncultured you are.
Ask! If you are unsure of anything or you would like to try out something that you have never eaten or drunk before, please ask. Some of these fancy names for some cuisines simply translate into ‘soup ya mbuzi’ or triple distilled ‘kachasu’ with a splash of guava juice. Nothing is more embarrassing then ordering food that you can’t eat or a wrong combination all together. I have been to functions where people have a main course meal and dessert on the same plate. Like pouring a chicken gravy on a chocolate cake. There is no shame in asking.

Table manners. Avoid little bad habits like being on the phone all throughout dinner, failing to say please when requesting for anything or even ordering from the waiter. Please don’t talk with your mouth full of food. If you are in a place where there other dinners, please try not to disturb your fellow diners, like shouting on top of your voice, or any other unsavory behavior that might disturb other dinners.
Finally, the magic word, Thank You. Kindly thank your host and emphasis how it’s been a privilege to be hosted by them. Walking away without saying thank you for being wined and dined leaves you with the epitaph of an ignorant and uncultured person. Thank the waiters too.