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What Tribe Is Your Zambian Woman

Filed under: Advise Corner,Lifestyle & Fashion,Special Comments |
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By Barbrah Musamba Chama Mumba

LOZI WOMAN: Beautiful and tall. Intelligent. Confident,  good with their husbands / boyfriends. His Family does not matter and a bit selfish to his family if he is not Lozi. Very independent. Every Lozi is their relative and whoever speaks their native language is an honorary Lozi.  Care free at work, meetings and in public places. Don’t fight for what is theirs and stingy ( e.g. boyfriends & husbands)  Classy; likes nice things (house, furniture e.t.c) but cannot take care of them.  Not very good cooks but once the learn how to cook a dish they are compared to none. Antisocial to other tribes. Mixes well with Tongas .  They will kill you if you don’t provide Mabisi, Bangos or whatever traditional foods.

TONGA WOMAN:  Not very clever. Very good to their men. Very dependent on their men. Will accept to be cheated on. Not very classy, in fact very backward and will have your house sounding like the Lwiindi ceremony with her ever speaking Tonga .  Her relatives will invade your home without proper timing.  Will also kill you if you don’t provide Mabisi , bangos or waist beads( chisasa). If you don’t bring a parcel home to this one, you are not worthy.

NGONI / TUMBUKA / CHEWA WOMAN: Very obedient to their husbands. To them marriage is a profession.  They also don’t mind polygamous relationships. They beat up their rivals when they discover your philandering ways.  They go to Lusaka for fashion.  They are sociable and will interact with Bemba’s very well.  They won’t hesitate to broadcast your short comings to the whole world at the doorway or on an anthill. Very adept at wriggling their waists for your pleasure.  Will do anything, including using love portions to keep a providing husband.

BEMBA WOMAN: Very social to any tribe and talkative. The cleverest of all women, beautiful with nice lips and hips. They go to Lusaka for a reason. Once she gets a man she calls home and tells the parents she’s got a job.  They don’t want men who cannot afford their rent, shopping and car installments. They don’t want to be cheated but usually steal their men from other women.  They are double dealers no matter how good you are to them.  They usually want to live kuma yard whether they can afford it or not. She will want a cell phone for tracking purposes only and will call just to ask where you are.  Will ask you for divorce if you decide to keep your poor mum but will have five sisters from Kasama / Mansa to baby-sit your kids. They will kill you if you don’t show your pay slip.

LENJE / SOLI WOMAN: All they want is marriage and a home.  They usually were married or have more than two kids elsewhere but will never tell you until you marry them.  Whatever they accrue from their marriage they will send to their motherland.  They never forget their mothers in Kabwe / Chibombo / Chongwe. Strong believer in marriage portions. Will do anything to keep their men. Very good in bed. They like it on top. Very flirtatious. Will show you by obvious signs that you are the one.  Will keep you just to save the marriage but you must show true love to her.

NAMWANGA / MAMBWE WOMAN:  They show too much respect to their men if they are good to them, Usually they are very clever but never show it. They don’t expect much from their men as long as they love her & all her basic needs are taken care of. Very good in bed. They won’t ask for money. They expect you to offer all the time and unfortunately it never happens. They can live with their men anywhere in the world as long as it is safe an presentable. They will kill you if they find out that you are cheating.  Their parents in Isoka / Mbala / Mpulungu will constantly remind her to tell you to complete your dowry payments.

LUNDA / LUVALE WOMAN: Mostly dark in complexion. Natural with long beautiful hair. Intelligent, shy, understanding, not too confident to show their intelligence in front of men. Too loyal and committed in relationships. A man will always be head of the house.  Will accept to be cheated on. Too good in bed though over traditional.  In bed will have you crying like a baby because of the care they take to please their men.  Self determined. Very good English. Proud and bossy. Will work hard to feed the family.  Very classy, likes nice things (house, car, furniture, clothes). Loves gardens.

KASAI WOMAN: Has smooth baby skin due to lightening creams v Excellent in bed. Will let you attempt any style as long as it pleases you.  Uses a lot of concoctions to please you.  Will mother you. She will cater to your every need.Very industrious. Mostly out of the home on business trips.  Willing to be breadwinner in times of hardship. Very jealous. Will beat your spare wheel and will kill you too if you are not careful. Clad in her chitenge she epitomizes the real African woman.  Usually voluptuous with big hips and large behind. Will bring hordes of relatives from Mbuji Mayi to reside with you.  Hides food for the husband in the bedroom.  Will relocate you to Lubumbashi or Katanga just to be near her business. Will spoil you rotten with gift after gift if you please her in bed.

INDIAN WOMAN: You are not seeing her knickers until you marry her. Marriage is very important to her. Her parents will pay dowry to your parents but you will face opposition to your intended marriage due to cultural nonsense.  She is very honest to her partner. Will side with her abusive husband upon questioning on why she has a black eye.  She usually wants to live somewhere safe, doesn’t matter where.  She will feed you on chilies and chapatti.  Very beautiful.

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