I love you: Terms and conditions apply

Filed under: Entertainment,Latest News,Lifestyle & Fashion |


terms n conditionsIt was time to close the Semester and go and visit our parents. Every fall of May we would have our summer break up to August. You had to stay home for 21 days and go and pick up a pastoral appointment wherever you where posted to.

I was informed by my rector (more like head priest) that I must go and live out my three months pastoral experience at Chesire homes in Solwezi, working with the deaf and dum and well as the blind and lame…

Well that afternoon I met up with Julia by downtown shopping mall in town and told her in a usual soft tone while holding her hand, “JD, got some news for you mama,” I said in a shallow and dumb voice as if am about to announce a funeral, “yes papa, what is it?” She asked “you can always tell me anything” she concluded while building up my confidence, which is what I always loved about her. she inspired so some much confidence in me and always gave me that space to be her man, (her illegal man so to speak).

We had built that confidence and trust which is essential to any relationship. Despite the fact that I was in seminary, I told her the truth, and she respected my timetable (until later when she went wild) but that’s the story for another day, for now let’s continue enjoying the narrative..
Ok where were we? Downtown I presume, yes somewhere there..

Ok so I told her “let’s go home, will tell you when we walking home”. I couldn’t eat any food from the restaurant pa downtown, appetite was gone, I was really in love and leaving Julia was not a part of my plans any time soon. Yeah today coming to really think of it, I was in too deep, It was a love which B1 call “Chipute”, feels so right, so cosy, so sweet, yet is very wrong and gives you countless sleepless nights..

So we boarded a bus going to Chilanga. We were supposed to drop by Linda turn-off but we opted to drop by Vuma filling station so we could have at least some time so walk and chat…
“Ok so what did you Wana tell me?” She quizzed me..” Julia, am going away!” I said while looking at the ground afraid to face my baby girl (my illegal bae ?)

“Going! What do you mean going? where? Are you breaking up with me? Are you leaving ? Have you been asked to live the Priesthood? Have you found a Zambian girl? What have I done?” She said 50 words like a bemba woman from Chinsali without even letting me explain what I meant..
“Julia come down, tekanya iwe”, I said…”no don’t tell me to tekanya, she said, nakabensa noku bensa kwati kamu Nsenga….

“Ok keep talking, I will keep quiet, then and tell me when you are done”, I said in an irritated voice….after that like all women who only shut up when you tell them to keep talking, she shut up and now just started looking at me, eyes red kwati we bange, ready to pounce on me like a Zambian girl saying to her boyfriend niggar if you think you can just screw me and disappear you are joking…

“Julia am just going on holiday”, I said… “holiday, you mean like holiday holiday” while smiling kwati ka lishilu… “Yes Julia, just a holiday at home, by my parents in kitwe”, I said, “oh ok, so you will be back after a month?” She asked, “awe after three months”, “three months!?” What kind of long holiday is that?” She said..

“Iwe I will be back….” I said in a harsh raised voice as I was now becoming impatient…just then she did something which back then worked but today I know that shit, can’t work on me. she went into female emotional blackmail and produced that one liquid that makes men weak, “tears!, it worked back then, but right now I swear if a woman started crying I would slap her a proper nkapila across the face. Bantu bandi tu pushi utu tuma crook, women are calculating, they know how to disarm you and get you at your weakest point…

Ok let’s continue the narrative:
Awe as umwana wa bene begun crying, weh weh weh,.. nati gaddd, what is this? I thought to myself? I even moved closer to her and hugged her. As she cried I felt so so torn and devastated see my girl cry.

I looked at her red eyes and kissed her wet teary face. “Stop, crying iwe, ahhhshi baby, ok chapwa, fwishilapo tuchume, stop crying baby”…I said..then as she cried, I did the most romantic thing, I leaned towards her face and kissed her tears, I actually wiped her tears with my tongue (tears taste like sweat atase) but I still did it. Oh that moment, I remember it like it was yesterday, yaba. I moved my mouth all over her teary eyes, kissing off the tears tenderly kwati li crook.. as I did that, she moved her sweet white lips down to mine and then we kissed for like seven minutes straight, kwati fye ni ilya iyamuma film, kwati fye ni Telemundo olo zee tv…

Oh and I held her neck while she held my waist, ukulabako ati nine shimapepo…shit, ala the love of a woman is a mystery, it’s something sweet, it’s delicious, it’s awesome, when you loved the right way, held the right way, kissed in the right manner, mamamammamama, swear I could speak Arabic at that moment… no wonder Samson spilled the secret kuli Delilah, ala namayo patali..

Aftour lips slowly disembarked, I looked at her, nati baby nafuti nafuti…

And we kissed this time even longer….

Ok hold that picture in your head (ending like in a movie two lovers kissing and the camera is going far away backwards slowly)… Part 19 will get wild and freaky and naughty and will definitely be 21+… Hope Chipolopolo wins and I will thrill you and excite you and fill your minds with mental orgasms with words….

But this will only happen on condition that Chipolopolo wins…..
I love writing for you guys, but today, Chipolopolo win is my terms and a conditions and it applies strictly…….

Watch out for part 19, a thriller, 21 +….!!! Wapya baisa!!!!


One Response to I love you: Terms and conditions apply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.