I love you: Terms and conditions apply (Part 20)

Mwaba with julia

CONFESSIONS OF A NAUGHTY SEMINARIAN: MY FIRST TIME IN A GUEST HOUSE WITH A WOMAN!

She wasn’t playing…

“AM ON THE BUS”, was the heading on the text message. Back then we had no whatsapp or BBM, kwalifye Sms. Awe apo ine naufwa ne mpepo yafuluma.

Shit she was really coming. Julia was not one to joke around, when she said am coming, she meant just that. Now what was I to do?

Hmmm yakosa bantu bandi. ???

I had to devise up a plan Asap. “Ok I know what I will tell ka pushi aka”, I cleverly thought to myself..

“Julia, what are you coming to do here?” You know clearly that I do not get paid and I don’t have any money on me” I said to her…

“Well don’t worry about money, am coming with it, loads of it, just find us a nice place we can hang out both and spend a night. And you will be with me, if you think you can ran away, dude you ain’t going anywhere” she replied.

Night? ???… Back then I had never felt the warmth of a woman whole night, was still a dwanzy monk, ka guy aka shishita bad.. ???

“AM past Kabwe” came another text.

What was I to tell my parents? Time was running out and ka shetani aka was getting closer. You well aware I just arrived yesterday. Hmmm yakosa bantu bandi. I was literally shaking. I started thinking hard..”What shall I say?” I thought to myself..

As you know the devil always takes care of his own. Ideas came to my mind and till this day I regret the actions that transpired that day. Now usually I write fiction but the following lines you are reading and are about to read are true and actually transpired and are based on actual events..

Ok so I walked to my father and lied to him with a straight face like a politician. I said “tata, I have to leave, there is an emergency somewhere and I have to go help out one priest in kalulushi.”

“Oh too bad, what’s the emergency?” Dad said “Do you need extra help?” Let me change see if I can come help out too. I will take you!”

Damn couldn’t believe my ears.  Shit yakosa ine balaikata ati ndeya fye muku chita aka musungu. My eyes almost popped out of my socket. ???

“No actually there is a friend coming to get me right about now”, I lied almost instantaneously..bit by bit I was losing my innocence and learning to lie like a spokesperson for a political party,

“Ok then if you say so…” dad said

And that is how I got a ka small bag and was on my way… to sin!!!!!!

That’s why sometimes you can’t blame men with sidechicks. Sometimes it’s just like you are possessed by some deep spirit, it’s like you are under some spell, you know that what you are doing is so wrong, yet feels so right. No wonder they say vauzende nivonzuna. ???, it’s true stupidity is appealing, elyo takwaba ati bakulu olo waku church ???

So there I was, I had to act fast and swiftly.  007 James Bond mode was activated. You see Unlike mu Lusaka where you can move from Makeni and do buchende ku Matero where you are not know or can even book a lodge in Kabulonga or woodlands or chilenje, kitwe is small, everyone knows everyone. If you not careful before you even finish putting a condom ninshi nabakutapa kale. I had to find a way of manoeuvring without being discovered and found out. I had little money in my pocket, something like 250 which the priests gave us as holiday allowance.

“Let me book a taxi” I thought to myself risk was too high.

So I remember clearly the first lodge I went to was Pamo lodge along Pamo avenue near the freedom park grounds.

“Nishinga room pano?” I asked..”it’s 200 a night” said the lady pa reception..

200 back then in 2008 was a lot of money. So I text Julia and said “rooms are 200”. She replied and text saying “book for 2 nights”

Njebele gaddd, 2 days straight? Teti na doyo yafupa sure?? ???

Ok so I reserved a room and went to seat by the bar area nayamba noku pumapo ka castle and listening to some old classic music they were playing should be Franco Mario I remember very well..

After about two hours ninshi ni nwa nangu ati castle five. She text and said “we are past Ndola. Let me find you at the station. AM using Euro Africa”

Njebele gaddd ???, it’s here, finally judgement day is here. LELO NDELYA KA PUSHI AKA..

That’s why right now I despise alcohol. Guys ubwalwa bwachabe chabe. AM telling you guys beer is useless, kalumbafye mwaba satana umubi mu bwalwa. Not only does it blind your judgement but it gives you a certain stupid courage which you only regret the following day when you wake up and see the empty condoms on the floor nama kneaker nama bra nama boxer all over…

Awe mayo, am wiser now, rather stay away From this tempting liquid…

Ok back to the story….

Awe or let me stop here so that I tell the kitwe episode and all the shit that happened in kitwe well in part 21.

Ok lekeni nwe tea…

To be continued in 21 very soon…

(I really loved this ka crazy girl)