Agon on New Years eve (part 9)

By Joseph Chibwe

So Bakamba the Van spade off with to Police Officers; 1 ku driver’s seat and the other police officer sat behind the Van guarding my so called dead Body!

As the Police Van drove fast heading to UTH Mortuary to deliver my over dead body, I thought of rising up and do a ka jump out and run away but looking at that Police Officer ku back with red eyes + dressed in riot gear, njebele “no!” “no!” “no!” “no!” resurrecting at this juncture is too risky, anganitile tear gas mambala mu manso!

The Police Van turned and moved into a down sloppy Road of Alick Nkata and the Siren went like “wiilll!” “wiilll!” “wiillll!”warning other private vehicles to move out of the lanes and pave away for the Boma vehicle, ati Boma ipiteko!

And now after the Road became clear, the police Driver changed the gear and increase the speed without knowing that there was a bad HUMP in front!

As we reached by the HUMP, the Police Driver failed to negotiate the HUMP but just drove and passed pali HUMP ati “vruuuuuummmm…!”

“Heeeee!” Bakamba the Police Van rose high in the sky and did ka minimal fly away and by the time it was coming to drop its wheels back on the Road ati “NDUUHH!” “NDUUUHH!” “NDUUUHH…,” Ine I was almost dead for real!

Surprisingly the officer that was gauarding my so called dead body remained unshaken but me, I felt like my ribs had been twisted anti-clockwise such that I couldn’t hold on to the pain inside and so I coughed out and thereby attracting the attention of the Officer behind!

The officer ku back then shouted out to alert his Colleague ku driver’s seat ati, “Mwami!” “Mwami!” “Mwami!” “Imilikani “Galimoto!” “Onani iyi mbala twatenga yauka anso!”

His Colleague drove the Car slowly, parked it off the lane and shoulted ati, “Mwami, bushe nichibanda or kapena chauka anso?” Lekani Mwami niseluke mu Galimoto nichimenyemo na nkoli chizizimuke!”

Bakamba ine busy sleeping down mu Van trying to maintain the dead man status, I jut received a wheep of a long button on my head ati,
“FYAAPAOOOHH!”

Heeeee! Bakamba I quickly ressurected up,”njebele, “hello bwana ninshi?” ninshi?” “ninshi!?”

The Officer attempted to butcher me with another wheep on my head but I screamed out njebele, “No bwana this is torture against humanity and if you do that again I will report you kuli ba Solomon Jere!

The Offiers replied ati, “koma ndiwe chizende ai?” So siuziba ati Solomon Jere anayende kudala?”

Njebele ,“Okay I will report you to Yorum Phiri!”

One officer turned to his collegue ati, “Mwami, kapena nkoli wachimenya chasokonezeka, akamba Yorum Phiri so saziba ati Yorum Phiri aliku Traffic?”

Now that I was alive, the Officers then started debating whether 2 take me to Police Post for questioning or take me to Chainama Hospital to test my mental capacity. Suddenly a thought clicked into by mind and I remembed that I had 4,500 ZIPOMPO in my jean Pocket!

So I told ba police njebele, “hello bwanaz, let me drop you some ZIPOMBO we close the issue?”

One officer was like, “Mwami, manje chayamba kuganiza bwino, sinalikuziba ati chili na muchanga?”

As I deeped my hand into the pocket to dig out some money, the other Officer that did not understand what the term ZIPOMPO ment ran away speed from the scene and as he stood from a distance, he shouted out to his Colleague ati, “Mwami, codi muiziba bwino ZIPOMPO?“ “Ni BOMB!” “Chokanikoni mwami before ikalibe kupolika ndaba muzasiya banja…!”

WATCH OUT FOR THE LAST PART (10)