Welcome to Zambia

Filed under: Politics,Special Comments |

1. Where a presidential public engagement is a rendition of Koffi olomide with a spice of Fally Ipupa.

2. Where the ruling party is afraid of the Church like vampires in the movie Underworld.

3. Where cholera immunisations are released after deadly disease outbreaks, where they reserving it for their children alone.

4. Where the last day in church for most men was on their wedding blessing and the next day will be at their next marriage or next funeral.

5. Where we own expensive ambulances to rush us to hospitals without beds and drugs

6. Where one nurse attends to over 60 patients, a teacher handles over 60 pupils and Government wants offices to put one fat minister alone in one big room to sip coffee.

7. Where criticism is bitterness, hunger is laziness, rigging is strategy, corruption is connections, and incompetence is humble leadership.

8. Where free education is pipedream and not feasible but free stealing is government policy.

9. Where we own expensive fire-tender to rush to sites without water hydrants.

10. Where government borrow to win elections and win elections in order to borrow.

11. Where shopping malls are defined as development despite killing local industry with imports

12. Where some Christians use the national day of prayer to label others as non-believers.

13. Where mourners solemnly queue up for body viewing and only to come out gossiping about the quality of the casket, clothing and body condition with no sign of grief.

14. Where Japanese, Koreans and Taiwanese are all called Chinese.

15. Where the president chatters a plane to South Africa for a medical check-up and invites himself to foreign countries.

16. Where some people stigmatise keeping cows despite filling up their freezers with beef.

17. Where every soccer fan is a defacto coach, a soccer analysts, a tactician, has his own first team and formation and sits on the board ready to fire the sitting coach.

18. Where people drink to induce any kind of celebration instead of drinking to celebrate something.

19. Where unpaid journalists report favourably about their paymasters, slavery 2.0.

20. Where rich people are Satanists and the poor people are just votes.

21. Where even dead presidents still milk us through their multi-million kwacha retirement homes and mausoleums.

22. Where a forged education certificate gets you promoted and a wrong surname on your birth certificate gets you demoted

23. Where a journalist without a garden in her backyard once served as Minister of Agriculture.

24. Where a traffic infringement amounts to a power takeover.

25. Where roads get bad and make pedestrian walk in the middle of the road and cars of the sidewalks.

26. Where the jobless unemployed youths are expected to find money to pay for job application forms.

27. Where political party cadres insult ministers, slap police officers and assault mourners with impunity.

28. Where our technology advancement has surpassed startrek or Star Wars such that farmers use digital forms of farm inputs.

29. Where debt levels change according to the gender of the minister, if it’s Mutati its US$17billion if it’s Margret its US$8billion.

30. Where pastors don’t sell everything and give to the poor in order to follow Jesus, but the tell people to sell and give to them a commission.

Richard W


3 Responses to Welcome to Zambia

  1. You are a Very unpatriotic Zambian, who sees nothing good about your own country. Shame on you

    June 4, 2018 at 7:39 am

  2. there is fucked up things like smelly vagina in this article

    June 4, 2018 at 11:49 am

    • Where on Earth did you come from???!!!!

      June 5, 2018 at 11:07 am

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